I've been hiding behind "busy", "not feeling well", and "wanting some time alone."
Since June, I've resigned from the professional position I worked up to for three years, became a full-time photographer, sold my house, bought a school bus, packed everything Alhen and I owned into that bus, and moved to Tennessee. I'm writing from my temporary room in Alhen's mother's log cabin in the woods, staring out at the trees, surrounded by beauty and peace.
I have been content to simply hide away here, quiet as a mouse, while we built our school bus and started new lives.
This weekend - it hit me. I'm not content, I'm resigned. In relinquishing all of the above from my life, I also relinquished quite a bit of my identity. I was no longer a St Petian, no longer the Manager of Strategy and Business at a firm, no longer spending my days talking about coffee and culture at the cafe over my laptop job, no longer coming home to my home, but to a temporary guest stay while we do the hard work next door.
I saw all of this as making me small, as though without all of that, I would slowly vanish into a dot.
What I'm up to is quite big, staggering even.
This scares the daylights out of me. Instead of stepping up to the challenge, fired up, sharing this journey through all its messiness and beauty as I've always been committed to doing here on the blog, I shrunk away and made myself small.
The best thing I can do is CELEBRATE all that is unfolding in life, no matter its size or scope.
I am celebrating not just because it's awesome, but because I want anyone who comes across this post to know that as ordinary or extraordinary your pursuits may be, they are totally possible. Regardless of circumstance or context, I set my mind to:
- Buy and sell a house in St Pete
- Use those funds to pay off credit card debt and start a new life
- Leave my professional employment and work for myself
- Buy a school bus with my love and convert it to our home
- Document the process through media, sharing the journey and connecting with the alternative living community
- Travel the country and beyond
I've been resigned about my own greatness and leadership - what about you?
The greatest gift you can give those around you is that of your greatness. I'm learning that making myself small serves no one. Instead, I'm back to give you my best, better than ever.
What are you up to? Accomplishing or just beginning?